Saturday, October 18, 2008

borrowed words

bear with me if everyday,
i spout cliches.
you leave me
and in want of sparkling words.
i love you
i need you
i miss you
... what can i possibly say
that has not been said before?

this cliche
i am in
of two best friends
who decide to end friendship
for the promise of love;
seems so uncharacteristically novel,
that i wonder,
how it ever bore the label
of a generic phenomenon.

for in truth
there is nothing generic
or expected
or common
about you
or about us...
ours is a completely spontaneous spark
ungoverned by any template
they've preset for us

so forgive me
if i offer
none but borrowed words
you see speech only aides to express
what hearts already know

Thursday, October 16, 2008

clumsy heart

for a clumsy someone from a clumsier one:

one of my debaters, shrieking (being so consistently gay),
made me read this poem which led to me shrieking as well. it's
one of those weird things when you come across a certain piece of
prose (or poetry in this case) and you feel like a completely
anynomous someone had written something especially for you --
kind of 'killing me softly' na poem version.

fine, i might just be indulging in melodramatic tendencies, but
whatever. i am posting this because i positiviely swooned
over these lines (then hopped around giddily wih philip. haha.)

Love poem

my clumsiest dear, whose hands shipwreck vases
who quick touch all glasses chip and ring
whose palms are bulls in china, burs in linen
and have no cunning in any soft thing

except ill-at-ease fidgeting people
the refugee uncertain at the door
you make at home; deftly you steady
the drunk clambering on his undulant floor

unpredictable dear, the taxi driver's terror
shrinking from far headlights pale as a dime
yet leaping before red aploplectic streetcars
misfit in any space. and never on time

a wrench in clocks and the solar system. only
with words and people and love you move at ease
in traffic of wit expertly manuever
and keep us, all devotion, at your knees

forgetting your coffee spreading at your flannel
your lipstick grinning on your coat
so gayly in love's unbreakable heaven
our souls in glory of spilt bourbon float

be with me, my darling, early and late
smash glasses-
i'll study wry music for your sake
for should your hands drop wry and empty
all the toys in the world would break

... i love you, clumsiness and all. and
although this poem is truer for me than for you,
loving you, i will never be clumsy at ...

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

best lovers banter ever (War Inc.)

Yes, hilary duff is on the movie. and no, she doesn't die. (i know, what's up with that???) but anyway, we can disregard her pathetic attempts at what her limited mind conceives as 'acting' because of these lines:

Natalie Hegalhuzen (Marisa Tomei): So you want to seduce the journalist whose politics you despise?
Brand Hauser (John Cusack) : How dare you. I have no politics.

i love john cusack in this movie!!!

Natalie Hegalhuzen: You know that all my writings have called this occupation a violation of international law and its practitioners are criminals?
Brand Hauser: Do you really believe all this stuff you write?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: Anyone who can causes this much mayhem when they didn't have to? The amount of suffering that I've seen?
Brand Hauser: I know.
Brand Hauser: [speaking on the phone] Ok. Hold on a sec.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: But the way I look at it is this: the day we can actually feel and hear all the suffering of mankind, that's the day when "The Christ" will come back! So we got that going for us.
[speaking on the phone again]
Brand Hauser: I'll be out in a minute.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: Or 'The Buddha', or Allah, whoever floats your boat.

And now, for the best line everrrr...

Brand Hauser: Did you know that the word "person" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means mask? So maybe being human means we invite spectators to ponder what lies behind. Each of us will be composed of a variety of masks, and if we can see behind the mask, we would get a burst of clarity. And if that flame was bright enough, that's when we fall in love. What's your opinion on these divine matters?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: I'm not going to fuck you. You know that, right?

(bwahahahaha! raawrrr... )

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

xander's 'sunny days at dumsville'

i just had to repost this from drifter's haven:

everytime im out with the new breed of hardcore drunkards in dumaguete i always share to them the days when i was with a group of superhardcoredrunkards who call themselves brilliant bums. i'm not proud of the way they drink beer like it's fresh buko juice, but im proud of the way they handle themselves when they get drunk. ow. wait. forget bout that. im proud bout the way they handle their studies despite their hectic schedules. to wake up early in the morning to attend class and stay up late and get drunk is not an easy thing to do but it seems that they perfected the kung-fu style routines. i miss them. its not the perfect group but its, by fact, a group filled with imperfect people who admits to themselves that they are not perfect but when theyre all together it seems that the world is just as perfect as they perceive it to be.
at first i thought they were just the typical college students who are just bored with their lives and are just hungry for companionship. you cant blame me for thinking that way coz every single day their faces are at el amigo, a place where a striving student can get a cheap beer and if one has coins to spare then one can get peanuts to further feed the hunger caused by boredom. they were there almost everyday- loud and wild. at times you can see them laughing their asses off with a language everbody calls the "gay linggo" which is a familiar phenomenon in dumaguete; and sometimes with an invented language- the "papipapipapi language" as what id like to call it- is as hard to decode as the "gay lingo". and their are times you can see them silently staring at each other, sometimes with tears falling from their tired eyes down to their beer which they drink without bothering with the new found taste. one must know that no matter what the mood was there's always a good conversation to expect. topics sprung up like weeds; and as senses are heightened (you know why!!!!) one must expect a heated conversation, a shocking confession or an argument between soon to be philosopher's of this tangled world.
it's funny how they can catch up with every word and laugh as if they were the only customers at el ams. that was my first impression of these wonderful personalities that crossed my path when i was hungry for real conversations. then i get to know each and everyone by heart. i started to understand their bond. its not just the beer but the things they share and the things they learn from each other's stories -its life at progress. everytime i talk to one of them,or the group itself, i get a new insight of life or the more dreadful word for it -REALITY. i learned that they were as weak as i am- prone to temptation and anger brought by god knows what. i also learned that they strive hard to be better-sometimes failing, most of the time just dealing and moving on which is a gud sign. some of us has the same storylines. movies with the same scripts but with different characters. i saw patterns from our stories. characters were made. plots was discovered. schemes decoded and solved for peace of mind. i'm not alone afterall, i said to myself.
everyday we meet to share stories,with the beer between us, and just savor the company. fast forward.... finals came and i was there when they cried coz they were afraid that they wont get their diplomaS and still they were drinking. i even found out that they were supposed to pass their final requirements the following day. i bid them goodluck. graduation came and there they were. cum laude..awards here and there...i was shocked. shocked coz i never thought they can get the top spot because of their drinking habits. there i was shocked and proud. this is so long of a blog. i will end this by saying thankYOU for each and everyone of you guys. you inspire me. thankYOU for the stories and for being real. i miss all of you.
Posted by xandersalamander at 9:36 AM

Aiken said...

hala oi... hehehe pagka story sa brilliant bums! shiet! mingaw na nuon ko napud. sigi ra kog gi mingaw napud napud napud!!!!!!
October 7, 2008 9:47 AM
an overdose of life said...

haaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaa ooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! wala ko kasabot sakong na-feel, na-touch ko nga nalipay nga gimingaw nga unsa ba....
i miss everyone!!! :( thanks sands... ako i-repost ha? miss you :(
October 7, 2008 9:59 AM

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

to new beginnings

i was fourteen and unspeakably naive. it was sophomore year in high school, i think i was in the middle of an identity crisis (totally unrelated to gender, by the way) and so i had spent every waking day trying to be good enough so that people will find me interesting -- find me worthy of their attention.

he was there and he engaged me and made me feel worthwhile. we talked about whether the bible should be taken literally which gradually evolved to chicken-egg discussions. our conversations, however inane, always left me grinning. i thought to myself, here's someone worth the time of day, and i thought so till graduation.

we gradually evolved. i fell in "love" with numerous guys and he fell deeply in love with margill... nothing and everything stayed the same. he slipped further away, and yet stayed near. he was convinced margill was the love of his life, and he was still the only the person i could sit for an hour with, saying nothing, and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation i had.

then college happened and we slipped further still. we emailed now and then, but we practically just blinked in and out, in a span of numerous months for a time -- a year even. for the last couple of years we stood at the sidelines of each other's lives. and yet when everything seemed to crash down on me and the most recent love of my life, left me alone to pick up the broken pieces... he was there and it was high school, all over again.

things change. but some things always stay the same. i'm glad that what i have with him is one of those things. because although i can handle change, i need at least one thing to remain true and unshakable...

as it is with him. all these years, he's always been there and i always found comfort in the fact that i had him. i tell people he's my bestfriend, but he's always been a lot more than that. i may not be able to contain what we have within any label, but we really don't need one.

i know exactly how much he means to me.

(and that's all i'm saying about it. i dont wanna preempt things, and ruin this before it even starts...:) i wanna keep him for myself. for now. hehe)