Wednesday, October 1, 2008
to new beginnings
i was fourteen and unspeakably naive. it was sophomore year in high school, i think i was in the middle of an identity crisis (totally unrelated to gender, by the way) and so i had spent every waking day trying to be good enough so that people will find me interesting -- find me worthy of their attention.
he was there and he engaged me and made me feel worthwhile. we talked about whether the bible should be taken literally which gradually evolved to chicken-egg discussions. our conversations, however inane, always left me grinning. i thought to myself, here's someone worth the time of day, and i thought so till graduation.
we gradually evolved. i fell in "love" with numerous guys and he fell deeply in love with margill... nothing and everything stayed the same. he slipped further away, and yet stayed near. he was convinced margill was the love of his life, and he was still the only the person i could sit for an hour with, saying nothing, and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation i had.
then college happened and we slipped further still. we emailed now and then, but we practically just blinked in and out, in a span of numerous months for a time -- a year even. for the last couple of years we stood at the sidelines of each other's lives. and yet when everything seemed to crash down on me and the most recent love of my life, left me alone to pick up the broken pieces... he was there and it was high school, all over again.
things change. but some things always stay the same. i'm glad that what i have with him is one of those things. because although i can handle change, i need at least one thing to remain true and unshakable...
as it is with him. all these years, he's always been there and i always found comfort in the fact that i had him. i tell people he's my bestfriend, but he's always been a lot more than that. i may not be able to contain what we have within any label, but we really don't need one.
i know exactly how much he means to me.
(and that's all i'm saying about it. i dont wanna preempt things, and ruin this before it even starts...:) i wanna keep him for myself. for now. hehe)