Wednesday, August 19, 2009

hooked on GD

the guy's getting really addictive. he's practically
creating a different genre, all on his own. the
whole plagiarism hoax was brilliant, never for one
minute did i buy that someone as talented as jiyongshie
would plagiarize... but it sure upped the buzz.
this video is the fierce! ALL HAIL G-DRAGON...



GD, GD, baby baby baby... hwaiting oppa! :P

Thursday, August 13, 2009

i refuse to tweet

i've always been the exhibitionist sort. (stop
the mental images, i do not mean THAT) i mean,
i've always been the sort who craved attention
and basked in it, and is always hard-pressed
to shy away from any avenue that would provide it.
so when social networking became a thing, i was
in friendster every time i found myself in
front of a pc.

then blogging sites became popular so i
was into that too and then multiply, and
wordpress and livejournal... kahit myspace,
di ko pinatawad. (obviously, i have no accurate
sense of chronology of all this.)

and now, i have a FACEBOOK account as well.

i know, who doesn't?

but when twitter, and now plurk came around,
i took a double-take and went, 'woah, when
does it end?!' my head is just reeling from
all this at this point.

i mean, wasn't the point of social networking to
keep track of people? cause, i can't really keep
track of anyone anymore given the pseudonyms and
the multiple accounts and the plethora of virtual
communities i feel compelled to be part of, lest
i be shut out in the cold.

my virtual "friends" mostly aren't even my actual
friends.

so why approve/confirm their requests in the first
place? i'm sure you know the answer to that. this
superficial bond of anonymous strangers who pretend
to be this and that on the web and feign digital
affection who's real first names they're not even
sure of is the sort of relationships these sites breed.

so...

facebook is it for me. and if we're not REALLY friends,
here's one definite click on the reject button (or
whatever the hell it's called).

i'm sure you won't mind. you probably won't even notice.



and look! happyslip agrees with me XP

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

GMA's golden rule

deflect, deflect, deflect.



and if that doesn't work? subscribe to the biggest fallacies
known to mankind: two wrongs doesn't make a right.

that's what her legion of moronic press officers (including her
lawyer) is trying to shove up our throats now: why are we getting
all the flack on this when everyone is doing it???

why the hell indeed. uh. i don't know, cause your boss is the
FRIGGIN'PRESIDENT OF THIS COUNTRY???

although, i must say her lawyer has a point, why ARE media outlets
allowing all this puke-inducing premature campaign ads? well,
obviously, for profit but still... does kind of drag them down from
their moral high ground.

freak. the deflect thing is even working on me! (GAH o.O).
those band of morons know their shit.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

next president please...

pucha naman. as if dumping that load of bull that was the SONA
and expecting us to eat it wasn't enough, she goes and does the
ultimate social crime: pig out in some high-class joint while
the rest of the country (which she happens to be the president of)
gnashes their teeth in hunger.
of course the media is justified to sensationalize the crap out of
gloria's P1M dinner. malamang!
sumusobra na sya... sarap mag-mura, kakapanood ko sa mga kagaguhan
nya sa balita parang minsan, sarap na ring mag-migrate but siguro,
may matinong presidente ding dadating.
tsk.tsk.tsk...
for Cory's sake, sana tumino na sya.

Monday, August 3, 2009

here's my yellow ribbon...


It was unintentional that on the day President Cory Aquino passed
away I should find myself defending democracy on the finals night
of VMDC, clad in the exact shade of yellow that Cory was popular
for. But I am thankful nonetheless, to find myself in that position
and to have gone that far. My debaters joke maybe she had a hand
at it, albeit extremely far-fetched, I think the greater value is
in that to some extent, we gave her honor, especially for the gift
of giving us strength to fight for democracy.

May we never forget the lessons of EDSA...
May we never forget why Ninoy had to die...
And may we have the courage to stand up and lead when we are called to,
just like Cory Aquino.

To the bravest president we ever had, thank you and God speed.

Friday, July 24, 2009

why i hate being an adult...


i can't step on puddles anymore.

they used to be the most fun thing in the world. i remember stepping
on EVERY puddle with glee when i go home from school after the rain.
now, when i happen to even semi-step on an itsy-bitsy one,
i freak out.

i have a filtering mechanism

like, i go crazy thinking about what to say, how to say it, how much
to say, who to say what to... argh! although i still end up saying
stupid stuff to the wrong people or saying wrong stuff to stupid people
or even talking to people i would don't actually want to talk to (a.k.a.
small talk), i miss being a kid and having the license to say every darn
thing i want.

i know about ULTERIOR motives

and i am to suspect people of having them.

i have to pretend to be nice

i am NOT a nice person. but i am not a bad person either. so i would
very much like to reserve the right to be nice when i want to and be
mean when i want to or not be nice simply because i am expected to,
dammit. but i have long surrendered that right and have this default
smile instead lest i be accused to not having PROPER manners.

i can't be too much of an idealist

i keep being told to "be realistic", "be practical", "look at the
world from a pragmatic sense of view", "get your head out of the
clouds"... and i am up to my neck with this shit. i vowed a long
time ago that i ain't taking my head out of the clouds to please
nobody and yet, just a couple of days ago i heard my self telling
my sister to "be practical..." i cringed. but it's too late.
apparently, i've got my feet planted firmly on the ground now.

i can't believe in cinderella anymore

because princes on white horses don't exist. true love is a load of
bull and people who believe in love at first sight and that they do,
in fact, lead to happily-ever-afters are delusional... i think most
of the me now has surrendered to this but there's still that part of
me who wants her chance at that ball with glass slippers on, wistfully
looking out the window for the fairy godmother to make it all come true.

i have no use for band-aids

adults have wounds in places where band-aids are completely useless,
see. i'd give anything to have the the kind of troubles that a trusty
band-aid can solve.

but mostly, i hate looking around and mostly, only seeing the bad instead of
the good
. i don't know when i started to stopped being a kid,
but i wished i had paid more attention.

but then again, maybe i still have that bit of the kid in me. that
part who still believes that shooting stars grant wishes and that
rainbows are real and not some trick of the light.

maybe if i listened to the kid more often and not let the adults of
the world distract me too much... i just might start seeing more of
the good and the sight of a puddle would be reason enough make my day.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

for Jello, on his Birthday


I remember having him as an inspiration for the
first feature i wrote in weekly back in freshman
year (which feels like a million years ago already
-*sob*). i think i used a sucky "life raft" analogy
wherein i likened him to a buoy amidst troubled
waters (ack!). but regardless of my juvenile writing,
even then, i knew he was for keeps.

I can't believe it's been seven years.... Man, it's
been one hell of a ride. Can't imagine not having
met Jello. How dull life would have been. How misguided
those college years would have been. How completely
vapid and uneventful these last seven years would have been..

Now, on his birthday, I've got a lot to be thankful to the
big guy above for. I know this is gonna sound like rip-off
lines from a Hallmark card, but what the heck, I AM grateful.
For the one-of-kind friendship. For validating the existence
of soulmates. For much needed doses of tough love. For
the soul-sharing moments. I don't think i'll be able to
enumerate the ways you have irrevocably changed (for the
better, it's safe to assume - hehe) and shaped me as a
person..

Love you mam!!!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

jello's back

and so in commemoration, here's a little round
of fireworks from PES XD



check 'em out at youtube, btw. bunch of really talented
fellas, they are XD

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Kina Grannis

No, i'm not going lesbo... although i am going crazy
over this girl. she is just amazing. i'm practically
raving right now, i can't get over it. listen to
her version of MJ's Remember the Time and be struck
dumb in awe, then watch this video and get converted.



This one's an original and aside from her unbelievable
voice, you'll bawl over the words. Believe me, I cried
buckets over this song.

Here's the lyrics:

Stay Just a Little - Kina Grannis

I heard it in your voice when your love died
On a telephone connection stretching miles and miles of wire
You said it was over and then cried and cried
You were gone before I said goodbye

I don't like to think it is true
That distance came between us like a knife and cut right through
Where did we go wrong and let it all undo?
The only one I ever loved was you.

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little, that's enough.

It kills me as I lay awake at night
Remembering the last kiss that we shared doesn't feel right
Is it impossible for me to win this fight
Keep you a little longer in my life?

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little, that's enough.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

this time he's a polyglot...

meet my latest Asian find...





he's the 7th member of this Korean boy band (yes, boy band)called
2pm (i hear they randomly pick letter-number combinations off the
top of their heads... like... hmmm... F4?) who's half-Chinese/
half-Thai (kababayan ni BJ!) who speaks fluent Thai, English and
Korean. That's on top his being drool-worthy. This hottie is also
a decent dancer, even good at the acrobatic stuff (breakdancing,
is it?), he sings(boy band nga) and he plays the piano. My Nikhun
is quite a find, you would agree. notice the possessive pronoun. XD





you can't blame me for patronizing him over the local variety (blech).
not that I was ever inclined to, mind you.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

broke


Waiting in line for our school ATM has become a habit lately.
Every so often, I would pass by the booth and get the urge to
line up. Really, it's more of a favorite form of self-torture
because I am quite aware that my card has zero credit, and yet,
I welcome the delusion. I like lining up because for few minutes,
while sitting there pretending not to be broke, I can plan for
things I want to buy and think of places I want to eat at.

This is probably what poverty feels like.

I'm not saying I'm rich, but growing up, I hardly felt poor.
And yet, here I am, working but penniless for most of every month.

It's not that my job pays bad (although a raise can't hurt - who
can't use extra moolahs right?), it's just that I suck at budgeting
my money. And the crazy thing is, I don't know where it goes! It's like
during payday I check my account and I almost hear the machine go
ding! ding! ding!, I withdraw the money, and poof! a week later my
account balance goes back to zilch.

I haven't got anything to show for it, I tell you. It's not like there's
any place in Iligan I can splurge a whole month's earning on. I usually
just treat my sisters to eat out, have a few random buys, drop by
fastfoods more often... and suddenly, my wallet would grow cobwebs again.

Ahay. I know. I know. It's unwise spending: pure and simple.
Unfortunately, I can't say the same for learning how to SPEND WISELY.

tsk.tsk.tsk...

Monday, June 15, 2009

read this and be in awe.


this dude, freidrich nietzsche, whose name i can neither
spell nor pronounce (yep, i copy-pasted it here), spewed
brilliant shit. brilliant, brilliant shit, i tell you. i mean
i know we get told lotsa times in philo - or was is
it logic? whatever- that this guy KNEW EVERYTHING or
something, but it wasn't until now that i became a believer.

the dude is BAD. he is THE man.

okay. i'll stop sounding like a moron now. anyway, i've
never read about anyone who had so out-rightly opposed
the very goals humanity has pledged to accomplish: peace
on earth and goodwill to men. these are the very foundations
all liberal democracies are laid on and yet this guy, very
casually laughed off these ideas as ridiculous, and you
know what? his thoughts makes perfect sense.

i know you might think i'm siding with the guy because, well,
the sheer gall of his defiance is simply awe-inspiring and i
could just be supporting the opposition since it's cooler and
being with the rightists is expected and boring (and i could
be to some extent)... but really, reading about how he thought
hierarchy and having caste systems is in the natural order of
things and that the truth of the matter is, men AREN'T created
equal - so why the freak can't anyone just live with that?! -
is probably the most inspired/genius/epiphanic (made that
last one up) thing i have ever heard.

he said that basically, there are three major broad classes of
men. the first are those who are inherently better than everyone
else: its nothing personal, they just are, and they aren't
supposed to lord this over lower mortals, because if the latter
didn't exist, the former wouldn't either. hear! hear!

those who come in second are the brawns. those who save the first
class the hassle of having to rule. the nobles. the kings. the
military. the judges. the defenders and enforcers of the rules
created by the first class.

and third, well, you've got the weakest class. those in charge of
the menial jobs in society. those who keep the wheels of production
working by literally turning those wheels themselves. their main
contribution to humanity is to become intelligent machines, and
you know what? they find their happiness in this so those sociologists
have no business writing books to burst the third class' mediocre
bubbles so they become discontented and envious and then demand for
crap like EQUALITY, because of this warped notion that if everyone
was like else, everyone would be HAPPY and then, there would be
PEACE ON EARTH.

i mean, i know, right? how retarded is that?!

so, in conclusion, what i'm saying is that we are all morons.

and nietzsche is like, the baddest philosopher of all time.



i raise my hat to you freidrich, my man. you truly know your shit.

i am aware that i do him no justice, so, for more enlightenment,
read this. and basically all the other legit stuff written about the guy. XD

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

got piss drunk last nyt...


...which has become a pretty novel occurrence
for me as of late. haha.

imagine that.

but i've tamed down, see... gone are my wild child
days (sounded like a hippie, just there). ack.

anyway, so i got drunk playing poker with a
bunch of guys i met through my cousin. and since
my alcohol tolerance has been on an all-time low
these days, i normally slink out of the party to
doze off my drunkenness till its time to head out
(as opposed to the embarrassing "maoy" moments
of the olden, immature days).

and the reason i'm writing about this alcohol-induced
episode is this: this bunch of guys happen to be
a rather accurate microcosm of the entire male species:
a bunch of horny jerk-offs who girls REALLY shouldn't
get drunk with, and even though nothing happened last
night, i was reminded that females really shouldn't be
so trusting of unfamiliar male company, yet again,
especially if alcohol is involved.

i have realized the hard way that i am the sort of girl
who is susceptible to people who are inclined to take
advantage, and i am quite dissappointed with myself
for this.

*sigh*

i miss the harmless male variety who were my friends in
college. Bombom who always made sure i got home safe,
who was always willing to take me (or any female friend
in need) home. Xander who was always the gentleman.
Jaye who protected me from bad company. My ex's frat
brothers who made me feel like a princess. And even Kit
and Kuya Mark who offered to beat up that sneaky Paolo
character who tried to take advantage of me... I could
sleep in the same bed and nothing would happen.

NO, they are not gay. Just decent.

what changed? does iligan exclusively breed jerks? hindi
rin, i have some decent kabsis naman. did my taste in male
company deteriorate then? hmmm... for the first time, i
actually feel anxiety towards meeting new people...

i know this society is inclined to blame me (or women
in general) for going out with guys and drinking in the
first place or for wearing say, skimpy clothes (which
i wasn't, but that's not the point). but that's just
a pail-full of bullshit double standards right there.
there is no valid reason- for guys to go all pervy
and drop lines that could qualify as sexual harassment
or for married men to hit on girls they meet.

i dunno, maybe the world really is never without jerks and
lately, for some reason, i happen to within striking distance.
they actually make me want to reconsider being single, just
to have someone to ward them off. but i detest NEEDING a guy.
and also, where can i find someone decent? haha. i'm not
trying to make a hasty generalization. i'm sure not ALL
guys are assholes but last night just makes me feel like
shunning all male company for a month.

hay... bakit salat sa matitinong lalake ang mundo? maybe i
should just stick to my vicarious relationships with my kim
bum and joe cheng.


at least these guys are completely harmless.
nyaha :P

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

down the rabbit hole...


i am getting more fidgety by the minute. i feel like alice
falling down the friggin' rabbit hole (did she even fall? i
mean how big is that hole anyway?) but only after she knowingly
jumped in, even gleefully so, then hesitating in the middle and
of course painfully realizing one cannot go against gravity.

am i even making sense?

ugh. if i were to be honest, i am EXACTLY where i want to be. it
all seems like limbo but really, i have carved for myself a path
which i intend to follow through if only they weren't so many
variables on the way: like will i actually pass LAE? if i don't,
will i pass in any other decent law school? because ateneo
(assuming i'll pass) is totally out of the question, and will i
even be able to afford to sustain myself?

gawd.

and yet... i am willing to trudge on, albeit for reasons that are
yet to be clear to me, or maybe clarity isn't even the issue. maybe
i just don't want to admit that law school is my excuse to get out.
i mean, why do i really want it? is it because i view it as a lesser
evil? a more preferable default set-up? like, as opposed to... what?
this limbo i'm in. of iligan. of finishing a master's degree i didn't
want or need in the first place. of this rather cozy set-up of
living with parents and not having bills to pay.

arrrgh. i have no idea where i'm getting at. and i apologize to the
poor shmucks who might find themselves reading this. i'd write this
dumb entry on my journal if i wasn't so attention-deprived...
besides, i could use the validation of having people comment over my
worthless dilemma. guess, i'm just throwing this virtual SOS in the
hopes someone can dispense some decent advice my way. (not that
i'm the type to even listen in the first place... XD)

*sigh*

but really, knowing myself, i think i want this because i live my
life by going through one rabbit hole to another. i thrive when i
am stripped off all my securities. otherwise, i get too comfy and
slack off.

...just not sure if, a. that self-assessment is valid and/or accurate
and b. if this is one rabbit hole i should stay out off.

(i have no idea why i keep forcing the 'alice in wonderland' analogy.
guess i'm too lazy to be more creative)

Saturday, May 30, 2009

they struck me...

her words:

My days are consumed by the one need to name moment to moment – enfleshing the world into words so that they may be turned
in my hand, in my palm, and what it is that sits in my heart,
can sit in my hand instead, and be thrown away into the sea;
or kept in my pocket as keepsake. I walk the seashore of life
and decide which rocks to keep, which to discard, which to put
away so that I may mix and match at some later date; call upon
a memory to authenticate a point; call upon a look I hit upon
to explain character motivation; always, always keeping score.




I've always wanted to say that... but she found the words
first and wove them together more beautifully than I ever could.
I think writing is like that. Weaving words like pieces of thread
into a mat or a blanket or maybe even a sweater, each stitch done
by hand, and always, carefully so. Anything that's woven by hand
is unique. Anything anybody writes will always be unique. Even if
you use the same words, follow the same stitching patterns...
So maybe, that's why I write. I fancy myself a weaver. Making
something tangible out of my warbled thoughts. Making pieces of
fiction my reality by writing down words. Hoping someone can feel
comfort or warmth from this blanket of words that I wove.

note: this post is a response to michee's 'why i write' post

Friday, May 22, 2009

michael left for canada today


actually, he won't be outside of the country till the 27th...
but still, iligan feels a little emptier without him. the debate
varsity has just lost a coach, IIT, one of its rockinest teachers
and me, a confidante and she-brother... (haha, peace)

mam, for all the sleepless nights over debate, the kapalpakan
with boys (*wink*), the unquantifiable alcohol our friendship
has consumed and its repercussions (*wink* na pod)...the laughter,
the tears, the losses and victories we've shared... thank you. you've
made iligan a lot more fun...

looking forward to our next shobar break :) love you mam...yarokzta!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

afternoons with a guru


i've just spent a couple of very intellectually fulfilling
and emotionally stimulating afternoons having tea with a friend
i have wanted to run into for a long time.

he's a rather complicated package whose personality cannot
be done justice through descriptions, however exhaustive.
he is someone to be experienced. but it will just have to suffice
to say that among other things, he is an old soul with deep
insights on life and people.

he hails from sri lanka and is a teacher and psychotherapist
by profession. he sees your deepest secrets and who you really
are behind that mask we are all fond of wearing. he can be
scary in that he peels away all your pretensions with
a probing gaze, but is your greatest friend in that he sees
the full extent of your brokenness and yet understands that
this doesn't in any way diminish the beauty of who you are.

once again, he has helped me come in terms with the difficult
aspects of who i am, reminded me of how to deal with the
dysfunctions i have and taught me how to better love myself.

Ultimately, this is the most important lesson of all,
being human means being imperfect, but living means
you never stop trying to be better.

For the striking lessons, the arresting insights,
and the beautiful conversations... i offer my thanks anton.

Until the next time we run into each other...

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

oh... i will soo relocate to korea for you







i know you heart him too...
jologs na kung jologs! :P

Saturday, May 16, 2009

soulmates


the greeks believe that humans used to be the perfect creatures.
man and woman were one. the jealous gods were not happy with this
and broke the perfect creatures apart...
and so it is said that our reason for being on earth is to find
that other half...
so we could be perfect and whole again.


...no matter how much of a realist i become, i will never stop
believing in this story.
:)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

random rant

I may not know a lot of things, but this one truth I can certainly vouch for:
the world will never run out of assholes. bow.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

i am currently...

...trying to learn how to play the guitar.
goin' through the motions, sore fingers,
chipped nail polish and awkward strumming
actually lovin' it :P

...cause i'm leavin' on a jet plaaane...
hehe

aRt


here's a quote from exie abola that totally
struck me

While entertainment strokes our ego
and makes us content with ourselves
and the world we live in,
art calls us to go beyond our comfort zone,
to expand the limited spheres of our existence.
It admonishes us to become more than who we
already are.
… Art disturbs us into living.”

damn.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

too cute...



im all weepy about the weepies... in a good way :)

let me pull an iago (on procrastination)...


constant reminders do not constantly remind you of anything. they just serve as a license to forget.

Friday, April 24, 2009

it's the moles, i tell you


recent events have pushed me to an internal debate: am i a troublemaker?
or does the world just seem to disagree with me on the things that matter?

as you probably have read, i've been ranting in my last two FB
stat msgs about supposedly educated people and their lack of
breeding. this stemmed from a brouhaha which happened in UP during
our latest debate tournament wherein some debaters sank to the level
of being palengkeras and verbally flayed me in the bus due to a
comment i made in FB, a million years ago (okay, after a certain
episode in SquareOff).

i think it got rather out of hand, which i think made my
institution and the institution of those... lets call them
"bad people" (haha), get infamous reputations in the debate
circles. tsk. tsk. tsk...

but as you very well know, this ISN'T the first time something
like this happened. i've had people getting mad at me for words
i said and opinions i've expressed: both verbally and on paper.
alhtough, i conceed that particular FB comment was thoughtless
and tactless, most of the OTHER things I opine about are words
i can vouch for (i.e. atty. paguia and his scathing, rather
demeaning response to a question he never really answered).

but you know what they say, all things that end well...
(dang, i forgot the rest of the expression). they apologized
and i've apologized back as well (yes, i'm mature now and actually
say 'sorry' to people... so long as they deserve it. nyaha)

i'm out to make more waves in debate however, and it it'll inevitably
get me... well, more infamous. i'd have to be careful not to drag
my institution or make them fully understand my stances and
therefore my choices, so they can support me (assuming they
will choose to) with an informed choice. this isn't a vendetta,
it's supporting a movement (albeit a risky, possibly controversial
one) that i sincerely think will create changes that will uplift
debate in the philippines.

after all these, people are asking me to you know, change (i think),
and generally avoid such compromising situations. well, you know
how i hate it when people ask me NOT to be me. i will NOT change.
i will be more tactful, yes, since it's always a goal to be a
better version of yourself, but i will NOT change who i am. i
think the moles give fair warning: i'm not one to sit around and
be mum.

because this is what i learned from my recent exposures to the real
nature of debate in general, and debaters in particular: we are in a
system that's indeed a microcosm of philippine politics (yikes, tama
ka *****s). and if people have accepted philippine politics as it is,
not bothering to really do anything about it, because, well,
ano pa bang magagawa mo? i think while were still young, and the
system (in debate, at least) is still malleable and open to change
and you've got rational, open-minded people who are all capable of
fair discourse... we should act on changes that will minimize problems
...why the hell not?

anyway, it's a struggle enough to choose between who i am and that
person people prefer i was. hopefully, the day will NEVER come when
i have chosen to stay quiet because speaking up is just too risky,
inconvenient, too much of a hassle and in some instances, possibly
life-threatening? hehe. Well, i'm not there (yet), at least.

good luck to me and my endeavors in life. haha

Saturday, April 4, 2009

gotta luv berto

This piece of genius right here, is a product of berto's unfailingly
brilliant and amazingly convoluted mind. Miss the big guy...
Deathstone 4ever! Solid! haha



berto's commencement speech
Sunday, March 22, 2009 at 9:11am

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, members of the faculty,
friends, gays, early birds and early worms, hot iron strikers, extra
rice eaters, emo's, pingpong experts, disco dancers, mongoloids,
political crocodiles, sex offenders, underwater sea creature haters,
DOJ secretary Raul M. Gonzalez look-a-alikes, Madame President,
Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez, Celso delos Angeles solid fans club,
secret lovers, filthy-lie-zer scummers, the bloods and the crips,
Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, raki the janitor,
purefoods basketball team, wowowee, bullies, teachers pets,
Mrs. Bacalso my teacher in grade4, parents, neighbors, dirty old men,
dirty old women, violators of RA 6969 or also known as " Toxic
Substances and Hazardous and Nuclear Wastes Control Act of 1990",
corporate shitheads, Visiting Fuckers Agreement soldiers,
Bourgeoisie bastards, advocates of facism, warlords, rugby boys,
the Board of Trustees, members of the office of the Solicitor
General, Graduates of '09 and street childrens...Good Day, the
commencement speech has ended go forth and become impure.

... ha?



i know this generic error message wasn't an inquiry on
my species of origin...
but i felt my humanity questioned anyway.

lol. :P

Thursday, April 2, 2009

of errant hearts and broken promises...


babe...

cant believe im writing you an actual letter. i mean, in this day
and age :P but, i've always been better at explaining myself in
print when it comes to things like this...

babe... im sorry. i wish i was more mature. you'd think id be
better at handling these things. but im probably still as
emotionally erratic and volatile as i was when we first knew
each other. im sorry if i hurt you... i should be the last
person to do that. i guess... it was kind of a mutual
thing... the eventuality of a break-up. but it shouldn't
have happened like that. i shouldn't have let it happen
like that...

and im sorry to leave you hanging in the air... i mean,
i know u need someone the most now. i officially suck at
relationships, seeing as how i've botched one with you,
what with the history and EVERYTHING that we share...

but babe... im not losing you over this, am I? were not
gonna be random strangers on the street who will say
awkward greetings because they sort of knew each other?
cause that's the worst thing that could ever happen
to us... i still need you in my life. i don't think ill
ever NOT want you in my life. ever. you know that right?

if makadayon ko anha, we'll spend time with each other...
ill hug you and then hang out and talk like adults. or at
least pretend to be adults. it doesn't have to be anything
specific... i'm not gonna interrogate you or anything...
promise. just need to have some of the old US back.
i know you don't like it when i say that. but you know what
i mean when i say i miss us...

i miss you... :(

i'm sorry if i hurt you...

love tikaw,

mara

ps don't go finding a new girl just yet. you know ill be all emo
and be jealous as hell... wait for me to get there...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

for Inday (Wedding stuff)

So, i assumed Inday wants a beach wedding and scoured the net for whatever I found useful and posted 'em here for Inday and the bum's approval and perusal.


I thought it was cute... :P


this is really kewl... we could do this for Inday's walk down the aisle


mmmm... what do you guys think? ok man sya...


oh cool centerpiece... I can imagine Jello customizing this. hehe. And the materials are basic enough...


me hearts this cake! :p

This next bit is a repost from www.mybeachweddinginmauritius.blogspot.com

And its about flowers and their meanings, might be helpful, unless you've chosen flowers na :P

Roses:
No other flowers symbolize love better than roses. Roses are available all year round and come in a great variety of colors to match any wedding theme. Among the most popular colors are white, red, yellow, pink, orange, lavender, and hot pink.

Alstroemeria:
These beautiful "south of the border" flowers are native to South America, specifically to Chile and Brazil. They primarily bloom in the spring and summer and can be found in sunny yellow, milky white and rich red colors.

Asters:
These gorgeous flowers, whose heads are shaped like stars, are perfect for late summer and fall weddings as they bloom abundantly during these months. Asters are similar in appearance to daisies and are available in white, purple, lavender, pink and red.

Bells of Ireland:
These unusual green flowers are a favorite for summer weddings. Mix bells of Ireland together with hypericum berries for a one of a kind festive centerpiece.Birds of

Paradise:
True to their name, birds of paradise give an impression of exotic birds. Known as an ornamental flower, this exquisite combination of a tall green stalk, bright orange sepals and purplish-blue petals stands beautifully on its own. It is a perfect flower to use for weddings with tropical themes.

Calla Lilies:
Calla Lilies come in classic, pure white as well as occasionally in two-toned shades such as white with pink, butter with cream, or yellow with gold. They are time-honored wedding flowers and are available for enjoyment all year round.

Chrysanthemum (aka Pompons):
As their name suggests, these festive flowers look like a flowering pompon. A fun and cheerful flower, pompons are celebrated annually at the Japanese "Festival of Happiness." Pompons are available in a variety of colors and are perfect for contributing to the happiness of weddings all year round.

Hypericum Berries:
These unique, full flowers, similar to berries, are available in wonderful earthy tones such as green, brownish red, yellow, pink, and red. Hypericum berries are most widely available in the summer.

Hydrangeas:
These blooming flowers look beautiful on their own or mixed with other flowers. They come in white, blue, natural pink and purple tinted. Hydrangeas are great for spring and summer weddings.

Larkspur:
These tall white, blue, and pink flowers burst into bloom in the springtime which makes them ideal for an April or May wedding (though they can be used throughout the spring and summer as well).

Liatris:
Tall and ornamental, these flowers are a popular choice for summer wedding centerpieces and bouquets. As an added effect to a romantic event, their rich purple color attracts beautiful butterflies.

Lilies:
Lilies are large flowers with three petals that come with three petal-like sepals. They are most commonly available in the summer. Lilies come in a range of color such as white, yellow, orange, pink, red, purple, bronze and even nearly black. Their petals are often marked with spots, brush strokes and picotees. Not only are lilies a lovely flower to use at your important affair, but they give off a fragrant aroma and create a rich and sweet ambiance.Mini Callas:
Mini callas are elegant flowers, perfect for bouquets and centerpieces. They are available throughout the year and come in a variety of colors such as white/cream, yellow, orange, pink and mauve. Weather conditions also play a part in their pigmentation and you can often find slight variations in colors of mini callas.

Statice:
While most commonly found in shades of pinks and violet or purple, statice is also available in blue, yellow, white, red, orange and apricot. It is most frequently used to enhance summer and early fall weddings.Snapdragons:
With their beautiful petals, these tall Mediterranean flowers are reminiscent of an exotic paradise. Snapdragons are widely available in the summer in a crisp white color. They are also available in other colors, including shades of pink or yellow.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

the reckoning


this is going to be it: our hour of reckoning. we're going against ateneo de manila and we need all the help and support we can get... this is THE giant we need to slay.
please watch squareoff, 8:00 pm at ANC, march 25.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

i think i'm evil



(and i really need people to disagree)

ever since i read the twilight series (okay the correct phrasal
verb would be "hooked up") i think i got possessed by edward cullen
(in my world, fictional characters are capable of possessing
non-fictional characters. feel free to visit anytime). no, i don't
mean i've convinced myself i'm a vampire, but that i've been
obsessed with reading minds. sometimes other people's,
but mostly my own (since i'm only slightly delusional,
i AM aware that i'm NOT really a mind-reader).

so in the process of dissecting my quasi-deep thoughts, which upon
introspection are mostly (if not all) about how the world relates to
me (we-hell, no surprise there). i have become convinced (and this
most likely ISN'T a delusion) that i am in fact, EVIL.

see, edward does this thing when he assesses if a person is evil
based on the quality of his/her thoughts, and says stuff like,
"his/her mind is one of the purest i've read.." and so, that's
led me to be consciously aware of all my reflex thoughts and
it's made me conclude that I'm almost (if not entirely) incapable
of pure thoughts.

don't agree? well, here's some of those impure reflex thoughts:

stimulus: a beggar asking for money
thought: wonder what's gonna spend it for? yosi or rugby? hopefully food... nah. malamang yosi.


stimulus: some guy (with passable looks) who happens to be within striking proximity
thought: always about how he looks half-naked and how he would be as a kisser(honest!) and if he's really hot, my thoughts would turn greener... (this is why my ex tells me i think like a guy :( )

stimulus: **** being nice; going out of his way to help me
thought: wonder what he thinks he's gonna get from doing this

stimulus: some girl with a good-looking guy
thought: baka bobo yung guy or hey, i'm better looking that than that.. the world does not make sense

stimulus: student with a blank-eyed stare
thought: bakit ka kaya pumasa ng high school to, or, pano to pumasa sa entrance exam?

stimulus: girl sa jeep na pa-tingin-tingin...
thought: what? whaaaat?! ano problema mo ha?

stimulus: shady-looking driver
thought: owkay... he looks highly questionable. why did i sit in the front seat again? dammit...

stimulus: some girl commenting on my bf's facebook page
thought: she's into him and i'm getting pissed off... why is he friends with her? (i don't act on this naman)


stimulus: guard sa jollibee
thought: your job has got to be the most boring job everrr...

stimulus: hot guy who's a good dresser
thought: he's gay

stimulus: hot guys in a group going out for drinks
thought: they're gay

stimulus: atom a. asking for scottie's number
thought: he's gay (in fairness to me though, i don't think there's anyone who wouldn't think this. haha)

stimulus: hot guy on the jeep who doesn't look my way once
thought: definitely gay

see? i'm evil, i tell you.... eveeeeeeeeeeeeel!!!
(did i just say evel?)

Monday, March 9, 2009

three stars and a sun


The last time I cried this much for the loss of someone
to whom my affinity I could only vicariously pursue,
was when Raul Roco died. And now, another legend has passed on.
Leaving trails of immortality. Francis Magalona was one hell
of a role model for this generation.
He left too soon...
but his words and his songs and his thoughts and his
undying love for this country will echo on and on...



I still hear the voices of Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Tupac Shakur, Kurt Cobain, The Notorious B.I.G. and Frank Sinatra to name a few. And their voices rise from their graves.

I am lucky to have been a recording artist and one day when I leave this world, just like the names I mentioned, my voice will be heard. Always. At a touch of a button or switch, I am "alive" again.

In essence music is life. Music is immortality.
- Francis M. (www.happybattle.multiply.com)

back from mars


I've been on the habit of blinking out lately. Can't find a place too
far from reality though. Not that I should be running from it...
Just getting too comfortable here and I need to get perspective...
I've been bitching for the last, what? 45? blog posts that I'm on my
own version of limbo here in Iligan, and that occasionally, it also
resembles my personal purgatory.
Lately, I've come to terms with my being here but it still feels like
I'm on the verge of living... not really living just yet.
I've gotten about 3 hours worth of national media exposure for last
couple of months and I'm all yipee about it, but then what? I can't stay
here and debate for the rest of my life. I've found another bunch of
crazy weirdos all of whom I find supremely non-boring and all of whom
I'm getting too attached too...
But the bigger world is calling to me...
I can't settle to be comfy in Iligan, can I?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

memento mori



i have never seen someone die... until a couple of hours ago.

what struck me was the details. that weird hospital smell that reeks
of anti-septic and something else... sadness? maybe because the
stale air's been infused with years' worth of loss, muffled grief,
pain and possibly desperation. i imagine all of these seeping into
the corners, turning into permanent invisible stains on the walls
and leaving a permeating stench: imperceptible but undeniable.

then there's this indifference to death. i'm sure it's probably an
everyday thing for those who work in the hospitals. dealing with
anonymous deaths and losses with efficiency and professional
detachment is just part of the job (for the sake of their
sanity, i imagine). but still, this casual, off-hand treatment
of death: the calm pronoucement of death, the brisk removal of
the body from the ICU... it's disturbing, almost callous.

i realized i never want to be that numb.

and then there's the waiting. a death in the hospital is never
instantaneous. it is always preceded by a long agonizing wait...
filled with a thick uneasy silence, punctured by hollow, scattered
attempts at conversations about the inane, the trivial; pitiful,
futile efforts to distract mostly yourself from the harsh, glaring
truth: someone is going to die. someone is dying right this very
moment. and we're huddled here together for this morbid countdown.

i stood there in the ICU. shedding tears because it is impossible
not to feel even an iota of this impending loss. it is impossible
to ignore those heartbreaking goodbyes, those irrational pleadings
whispered in desperation to ears that have been rendered deaf by
coma. it is impossible to not grieve for a friend who has just
lost a mother...

people often feel clumsy in handling other people's grief.
i am no exception. i offered a tight awkward hug when the waiting
ended and the inevitable end began. i struggled with the depth of
the grief i saw in her eyes.

in the end, i realized that there are some journeys we must take
alone. there some pains we simply cannot share. there are hurts
we cannot salve...

i realized that death comes in many forms.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

stick figures

i love the unpretentious and straight to the point (often, straight
to the heart)message of these simple scrawls.


this one in particular:



and the quote about it that i got from this site:

Surely there exists someone out there who is wandering through this world with the same hopes and uncertainties as me.
Surely they’ve spent hours playing out those same little
scenarios only to find that they were short one stick figure as well.

Let’s run away and find a nice dark corner in which to do long division.

emo relapse alert


lately, my line of vision has been littered with broken hearts.

i am troubled.

not just because the sight of emotionally bleeding people pains me,
but mostly because it forces me to assess my own heart and
unfortunately, the distractions are no long distracting enough to
keep me from treading that supposedly forgotten path...
(of course it's about ME. duh.)

sigh. (yes, i am indulging my melodramatic tendencies again...
run, while you can.)

there's ara, my in denial debater who walks around pretending to be
fine and dandy but constantly indulging in huge doses of masochism
(i.e. frequently texting with the ex, checking the sweet captured
moments of the new pair in friendster)

there's aiken, who's chosen to make his heartbreaker anonymous in
the numerous chronicles of his year-long pain and is now apologizing
for his choice to go find (hopefully heal) himself.

there's the other bums struggling with their own precarious love
stories, wondering if it's all worth it...

and then there's me. i think my romantic pulse is normal,
nowhere near heartbreak (i think) but maybe... this is all just
wishful thinking. i think truthfully, nothing seems to be wrong
because the relationship is almost non-existent. if technically
there's nothing there, how can there be hurt?

but really, i am quite aware that THIS is as bad as BAD
in relationships go...

sigh.

are we all doomed to pain?

(emo relapse alert! hehe)

Sunday, January 11, 2009