Sunday, March 15, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
(and i really need people to disagree)
ever since i read the twilight series (okay the correct phrasal
verb would be "hooked up") i think i got possessed by edward cullen
(in my world, fictional characters are capable of possessing
non-fictional characters. feel free to visit anytime). no, i don't
mean i've convinced myself i'm a vampire, but that i've been
obsessed with reading minds. sometimes other people's,
but mostly my own (since i'm only slightly delusional,
i AM aware that i'm NOT really a mind-reader).
so in the process of dissecting my quasi-deep thoughts, which upon
introspection are mostly (if not all) about how the world relates to
me (we-hell, no surprise there). i have become convinced (and this
most likely ISN'T a delusion) that i am in fact, EVIL.
see, edward does this thing when he assesses if a person is evil
based on the quality of his/her thoughts, and says stuff like,
"his/her mind is one of the purest i've read.." and so, that's
led me to be consciously aware of all my reflex thoughts and
it's made me conclude that I'm almost (if not entirely) incapable
of pure thoughts.
don't agree? well, here's some of those impure reflex thoughts:
stimulus: a beggar asking for money
thought: wonder what's gonna spend it for? yosi or rugby? hopefully food... nah. malamang yosi.
stimulus: some guy (with passable looks) who happens to be within striking proximity
thought: always about how he looks half-naked and how he would be as a kisser(honest!) and if he's really hot, my thoughts would turn greener... (this is why my ex tells me i think like a guy :( )
stimulus: **** being nice; going out of his way to help me
thought: wonder what he thinks he's gonna get from doing this
stimulus: some girl with a good-looking guy
thought: baka bobo yung guy or hey, i'm better looking that than that.. the world does not make sense
stimulus: student with a blank-eyed stare
thought: bakit ka kaya pumasa ng high school to, or, pano to pumasa sa entrance exam?
stimulus: girl sa jeep na pa-tingin-tingin...
thought: what? whaaaat?! ano problema mo ha?
stimulus: shady-looking driver
thought: owkay... he looks highly questionable. why did i sit in the front seat again? dammit...
stimulus: some girl commenting on my bf's facebook page
thought: she's into him and i'm getting pissed off... why is he friends with her? (i don't act on this naman)
stimulus: guard sa jollibee
thought: your job has got to be the most boring job everrr...
stimulus: hot guy who's a good dresser
thought: he's gay
stimulus: hot guys in a group going out for drinks
thought: they're gay
stimulus: atom a. asking for scottie's number
thought: he's gay (in fairness to me though, i don't think there's anyone who wouldn't think this. haha)
stimulus: hot guy on the jeep who doesn't look my way once
thought: definitely gay
see? i'm evil, i tell you.... eveeeeeeeeeeeeel!!!
(did i just say evel?)
Monday, March 9, 2009
The last time I cried this much for the loss of someone
to whom my affinity I could only vicariously pursue,
was when Raul Roco died. And now, another legend has passed on.
Leaving trails of immortality. Francis Magalona was one hell
of a role model for this generation.
He left too soon...
but his words and his songs and his thoughts and his
undying love for this country will echo on and on...
I still hear the voices of Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Tupac Shakur, Kurt Cobain, The Notorious B.I.G. and Frank Sinatra to name a few. And their voices rise from their graves.
I am lucky to have been a recording artist and one day when I leave this world, just like the names I mentioned, my voice will be heard. Always. At a touch of a button or switch, I am "alive" again.
In essence music is life. Music is immortality.
- Francis M. (www.happybattle.multiply.com)
I've been on the habit of blinking out lately. Can't find a place too
far from reality though. Not that I should be running from it...
Just getting too comfortable here and I need to get perspective...
I've been bitching for the last, what? 45? blog posts that I'm on my
own version of limbo here in Iligan, and that occasionally, it also
resembles my personal purgatory.
Lately, I've come to terms with my being here but it still feels like
I'm on the verge of living... not really living just yet.
I've gotten about 3 hours worth of national media exposure for last
couple of months and I'm all yipee about it, but then what? I can't stay
here and debate for the rest of my life. I've found another bunch of
crazy weirdos all of whom I find supremely non-boring and all of whom
I'm getting too attached too...
But the bigger world is calling to me...
I can't settle to be comfy in Iligan, can I?