Saturday, June 27, 2009

this time he's a polyglot...

meet my latest Asian find...

he's the 7th member of this Korean boy band (yes, boy band)called
2pm (i hear they randomly pick letter-number combinations off the
top of their heads... like... hmmm... F4?) who's half-Chinese/
half-Thai (kababayan ni BJ!) who speaks fluent Thai, English and
Korean. That's on top his being drool-worthy. This hottie is also
a decent dancer, even good at the acrobatic stuff (breakdancing,
is it?), he sings(boy band nga) and he plays the piano. My Nikhun
is quite a find, you would agree. notice the possessive pronoun. XD

you can't blame me for patronizing him over the local variety (blech).
not that I was ever inclined to, mind you.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Waiting in line for our school ATM has become a habit lately.
Every so often, I would pass by the booth and get the urge to
line up. Really, it's more of a favorite form of self-torture
because I am quite aware that my card has zero credit, and yet,
I welcome the delusion. I like lining up because for few minutes,
while sitting there pretending not to be broke, I can plan for
things I want to buy and think of places I want to eat at.

This is probably what poverty feels like.

I'm not saying I'm rich, but growing up, I hardly felt poor.
And yet, here I am, working but penniless for most of every month.

It's not that my job pays bad (although a raise can't hurt - who
can't use extra moolahs right?), it's just that I suck at budgeting
my money. And the crazy thing is, I don't know where it goes! It's like
during payday I check my account and I almost hear the machine go
ding! ding! ding!, I withdraw the money, and poof! a week later my
account balance goes back to zilch.

I haven't got anything to show for it, I tell you. It's not like there's
any place in Iligan I can splurge a whole month's earning on. I usually
just treat my sisters to eat out, have a few random buys, drop by
fastfoods more often... and suddenly, my wallet would grow cobwebs again.

Ahay. I know. I know. It's unwise spending: pure and simple.
Unfortunately, I can't say the same for learning how to SPEND WISELY.


Monday, June 15, 2009

read this and be in awe.

this dude, freidrich nietzsche, whose name i can neither
spell nor pronounce (yep, i copy-pasted it here), spewed
brilliant shit. brilliant, brilliant shit, i tell you. i mean
i know we get told lotsa times in philo - or was is
it logic? whatever- that this guy KNEW EVERYTHING or
something, but it wasn't until now that i became a believer.

the dude is BAD. he is THE man.

okay. i'll stop sounding like a moron now. anyway, i've
never read about anyone who had so out-rightly opposed
the very goals humanity has pledged to accomplish: peace
on earth and goodwill to men. these are the very foundations
all liberal democracies are laid on and yet this guy, very
casually laughed off these ideas as ridiculous, and you
know what? his thoughts makes perfect sense.

i know you might think i'm siding with the guy because, well,
the sheer gall of his defiance is simply awe-inspiring and i
could just be supporting the opposition since it's cooler and
being with the rightists is expected and boring (and i could
be to some extent)... but really, reading about how he thought
hierarchy and having caste systems is in the natural order of
things and that the truth of the matter is, men AREN'T created
equal - so why the freak can't anyone just live with that?! -
is probably the most inspired/genius/epiphanic (made that
last one up) thing i have ever heard.

he said that basically, there are three major broad classes of
men. the first are those who are inherently better than everyone
else: its nothing personal, they just are, and they aren't
supposed to lord this over lower mortals, because if the latter
didn't exist, the former wouldn't either. hear! hear!

those who come in second are the brawns. those who save the first
class the hassle of having to rule. the nobles. the kings. the
military. the judges. the defenders and enforcers of the rules
created by the first class.

and third, well, you've got the weakest class. those in charge of
the menial jobs in society. those who keep the wheels of production
working by literally turning those wheels themselves. their main
contribution to humanity is to become intelligent machines, and
you know what? they find their happiness in this so those sociologists
have no business writing books to burst the third class' mediocre
bubbles so they become discontented and envious and then demand for
crap like EQUALITY, because of this warped notion that if everyone
was like else, everyone would be HAPPY and then, there would be

i mean, i know, right? how retarded is that?!

so, in conclusion, what i'm saying is that we are all morons.

and nietzsche is like, the baddest philosopher of all time.

i raise my hat to you freidrich, my man. you truly know your shit.

i am aware that i do him no justice, so, for more enlightenment,
read this. and basically all the other legit stuff written about the guy. XD

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

got piss drunk last nyt...

...which has become a pretty novel occurrence
for me as of late. haha.

imagine that.

but i've tamed down, see... gone are my wild child
days (sounded like a hippie, just there). ack.

anyway, so i got drunk playing poker with a
bunch of guys i met through my cousin. and since
my alcohol tolerance has been on an all-time low
these days, i normally slink out of the party to
doze off my drunkenness till its time to head out
(as opposed to the embarrassing "maoy" moments
of the olden, immature days).

and the reason i'm writing about this alcohol-induced
episode is this: this bunch of guys happen to be
a rather accurate microcosm of the entire male species:
a bunch of horny jerk-offs who girls REALLY shouldn't
get drunk with, and even though nothing happened last
night, i was reminded that females really shouldn't be
so trusting of unfamiliar male company, yet again,
especially if alcohol is involved.

i have realized the hard way that i am the sort of girl
who is susceptible to people who are inclined to take
advantage, and i am quite dissappointed with myself
for this.


i miss the harmless male variety who were my friends in
college. Bombom who always made sure i got home safe,
who was always willing to take me (or any female friend
in need) home. Xander who was always the gentleman.
Jaye who protected me from bad company. My ex's frat
brothers who made me feel like a princess. And even Kit
and Kuya Mark who offered to beat up that sneaky Paolo
character who tried to take advantage of me... I could
sleep in the same bed and nothing would happen.

NO, they are not gay. Just decent.

what changed? does iligan exclusively breed jerks? hindi
rin, i have some decent kabsis naman. did my taste in male
company deteriorate then? hmmm... for the first time, i
actually feel anxiety towards meeting new people...

i know this society is inclined to blame me (or women
in general) for going out with guys and drinking in the
first place or for wearing say, skimpy clothes (which
i wasn't, but that's not the point). but that's just
a pail-full of bullshit double standards right there.
there is no valid reason- for guys to go all pervy
and drop lines that could qualify as sexual harassment
or for married men to hit on girls they meet.

i dunno, maybe the world really is never without jerks and
lately, for some reason, i happen to within striking distance.
they actually make me want to reconsider being single, just
to have someone to ward them off. but i detest NEEDING a guy.
and also, where can i find someone decent? haha. i'm not
trying to make a hasty generalization. i'm sure not ALL
guys are assholes but last night just makes me feel like
shunning all male company for a month.

hay... bakit salat sa matitinong lalake ang mundo? maybe i
should just stick to my vicarious relationships with my kim
bum and joe cheng.

at least these guys are completely harmless.
nyaha :P

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

down the rabbit hole...

i am getting more fidgety by the minute. i feel like alice
falling down the friggin' rabbit hole (did she even fall? i
mean how big is that hole anyway?) but only after she knowingly
jumped in, even gleefully so, then hesitating in the middle and
of course painfully realizing one cannot go against gravity.

am i even making sense?

ugh. if i were to be honest, i am EXACTLY where i want to be. it
all seems like limbo but really, i have carved for myself a path
which i intend to follow through if only they weren't so many
variables on the way: like will i actually pass LAE? if i don't,
will i pass in any other decent law school? because ateneo
(assuming i'll pass) is totally out of the question, and will i
even be able to afford to sustain myself?


and yet... i am willing to trudge on, albeit for reasons that are
yet to be clear to me, or maybe clarity isn't even the issue. maybe
i just don't want to admit that law school is my excuse to get out.
i mean, why do i really want it? is it because i view it as a lesser
evil? a more preferable default set-up? like, as opposed to... what?
this limbo i'm in. of iligan. of finishing a master's degree i didn't
want or need in the first place. of this rather cozy set-up of
living with parents and not having bills to pay.

arrrgh. i have no idea where i'm getting at. and i apologize to the
poor shmucks who might find themselves reading this. i'd write this
dumb entry on my journal if i wasn't so attention-deprived...
besides, i could use the validation of having people comment over my
worthless dilemma. guess, i'm just throwing this virtual SOS in the
hopes someone can dispense some decent advice my way. (not that
i'm the type to even listen in the first place... XD)


but really, knowing myself, i think i want this because i live my
life by going through one rabbit hole to another. i thrive when i
am stripped off all my securities. otherwise, i get too comfy and
slack off.

...just not sure if, a. that self-assessment is valid and/or accurate
and b. if this is one rabbit hole i should stay out off.

(i have no idea why i keep forcing the 'alice in wonderland' analogy.
guess i'm too lazy to be more creative)