Tuesday, June 2, 2009

down the rabbit hole...


i am getting more fidgety by the minute. i feel like alice
falling down the friggin' rabbit hole (did she even fall? i
mean how big is that hole anyway?) but only after she knowingly
jumped in, even gleefully so, then hesitating in the middle and
of course painfully realizing one cannot go against gravity.

am i even making sense?

ugh. if i were to be honest, i am EXACTLY where i want to be. it
all seems like limbo but really, i have carved for myself a path
which i intend to follow through if only they weren't so many
variables on the way: like will i actually pass LAE? if i don't,
will i pass in any other decent law school? because ateneo
(assuming i'll pass) is totally out of the question, and will i
even be able to afford to sustain myself?

gawd.

and yet... i am willing to trudge on, albeit for reasons that are
yet to be clear to me, or maybe clarity isn't even the issue. maybe
i just don't want to admit that law school is my excuse to get out.
i mean, why do i really want it? is it because i view it as a lesser
evil? a more preferable default set-up? like, as opposed to... what?
this limbo i'm in. of iligan. of finishing a master's degree i didn't
want or need in the first place. of this rather cozy set-up of
living with parents and not having bills to pay.

arrrgh. i have no idea where i'm getting at. and i apologize to the
poor shmucks who might find themselves reading this. i'd write this
dumb entry on my journal if i wasn't so attention-deprived...
besides, i could use the validation of having people comment over my
worthless dilemma. guess, i'm just throwing this virtual SOS in the
hopes someone can dispense some decent advice my way. (not that
i'm the type to even listen in the first place... XD)

*sigh*

but really, knowing myself, i think i want this because i live my
life by going through one rabbit hole to another. i thrive when i
am stripped off all my securities. otherwise, i get too comfy and
slack off.

...just not sure if, a. that self-assessment is valid and/or accurate
and b. if this is one rabbit hole i should stay out off.

(i have no idea why i keep forcing the 'alice in wonderland' analogy.
guess i'm too lazy to be more creative)

15 comments:

Nobe said...

@ an overdose of life: hehe. being a mom is a great blessing pero mahirap din. :) you'll be a mom someday don't worry. :)

Scottiboy said...

ok what's being a mom got to do with the post again? have i gone so myopic i can't relate simple posts to bigger artistic pictures? hehe. oh, i guess it's the mention of rabbits. lol. that's got to be it.

"i have no idea why i keep forcing the 'alice in wonderland' analogy." -- frankly my dear, i don't know either. lol

but here's where scott is going to dump: being too comfortable is the perfect state to be in if you want to watch the whole world pass u by. u have to look for that thrill, the desire to move, and challenge urself all the frickin time. i mean life is short, we all need to try everything at least once in our lives. know what u can do, and cannot do by actually really living - even if it means being away. if u screw up, or fail, who cares? the experience u have from trying, and the prize of getting somewhere, is infinitely much more compared to doing nothing and having nothing at all. u have to get out of ur way otherwise, people u know will be this and that, get here and there; and ull ask urself, "where am i in the picture?" lol. cold truth. u should be very scared.

mara said...

and you are the guru on the philosophy of life because...?
hehehe... everything u said makes sense though. as if i'm actually the type to sit on the sidelines twiddling my thumbs...
this just really scares me tho...
which is probably why i should just plunge head on. really, what's the point of doing something that doesn't scare you, right?
haaay... now would be a good time for the universe to send me some sign or whatever it is the universe does to nudge you in the right direction

mara said...

lol on the rabbits.
you perv :P

Scottiboy said...

"as if i'm actually the type to sit on the sidelines twiddling my thumbs..."

---i'd use "...sit in the dark and stroke."

but that's just me. *wink* hehehe

mara said...

...ur really on a roll, huh?
ur supposed to shed enlightenment, not fill my blog with ur perverted thoughts
:P

mara said...

lol on enlightenment. bwahaha
i crack myself up

michelle said...

ahem. isang quote para may enlightenment. matud pa ni will rogers, "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

*bow

Scottiboy said...

hey. wtf? i am a good source of enlightenment u know. i have the gift of tongue. makes people open their minds... and legs. lol. ok too much sex talk, im at work.

an overdose of life said...

thanks michee... cge. ill just get my butt off the sidewalk, cross my fingers and hope (to GOd!) this is the right track... o.0

scottie ur pervy brain is ruining this otherwise meaningful exchange of life philosophies..:P

Scottiboy said...

fine! let's make this meaningful then. you know how some people run out of chances in life and you can smell it on them? yeah, haha. we don't want that lol. so move out. haha. college of law! wohooo!

an overdose of life said...

woah... scottie, was that actual, authentic, non-sarcastic encouragement from you?
i shall cherish this post forever...
hahaha

Scottiboy said...

haha. yeah u do that, and while ur at it, write my name on the walls or something. tell my great story. hahaha

Verna T.S. said...

contrary to my initial dread, i'm actually enjoying my new job. should i say "ironically"? haha. i'm still tinkling on the thought of law -- i can say pareho japon ta. afterall, we have time man. dba? hehe. and aiken's planning to take up law in SU now na.. na-inspire siyang jello. maybe we should all be lawyers nalang? haha! and have a BBUMZ law firm. hihi!

*mwuah

Anonymous said...

i like the idea... that'd be the rockinest law firm ever. haha
i might go abroad for a year mameh before law. whats ur new job gale mameh?
lablab :*

mara