Friday, July 24, 2009

why i hate being an adult...


i can't step on puddles anymore.

they used to be the most fun thing in the world. i remember stepping
on EVERY puddle with glee when i go home from school after the rain.
now, when i happen to even semi-step on an itsy-bitsy one,
i freak out.

i have a filtering mechanism

like, i go crazy thinking about what to say, how to say it, how much
to say, who to say what to... argh! although i still end up saying
stupid stuff to the wrong people or saying wrong stuff to stupid people
or even talking to people i would don't actually want to talk to (a.k.a.
small talk), i miss being a kid and having the license to say every darn
thing i want.

i know about ULTERIOR motives

and i am to suspect people of having them.

i have to pretend to be nice

i am NOT a nice person. but i am not a bad person either. so i would
very much like to reserve the right to be nice when i want to and be
mean when i want to or not be nice simply because i am expected to,
dammit. but i have long surrendered that right and have this default
smile instead lest i be accused to not having PROPER manners.

i can't be too much of an idealist

i keep being told to "be realistic", "be practical", "look at the
world from a pragmatic sense of view", "get your head out of the
clouds"... and i am up to my neck with this shit. i vowed a long
time ago that i ain't taking my head out of the clouds to please
nobody and yet, just a couple of days ago i heard my self telling
my sister to "be practical..." i cringed. but it's too late.
apparently, i've got my feet planted firmly on the ground now.

i can't believe in cinderella anymore

because princes on white horses don't exist. true love is a load of
bull and people who believe in love at first sight and that they do,
in fact, lead to happily-ever-afters are delusional... i think most
of the me now has surrendered to this but there's still that part of
me who wants her chance at that ball with glass slippers on, wistfully
looking out the window for the fairy godmother to make it all come true.

i have no use for band-aids

adults have wounds in places where band-aids are completely useless,
see. i'd give anything to have the the kind of troubles that a trusty
band-aid can solve.

but mostly, i hate looking around and mostly, only seeing the bad instead of
the good
. i don't know when i started to stopped being a kid,
but i wished i had paid more attention.

but then again, maybe i still have that bit of the kid in me. that
part who still believes that shooting stars grant wishes and that
rainbows are real and not some trick of the light.

maybe if i listened to the kid more often and not let the adults of
the world distract me too much... i just might start seeing more of
the good and the sight of a puddle would be reason enough make my day.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

for Jello, on his Birthday


I remember having him as an inspiration for the
first feature i wrote in weekly back in freshman
year (which feels like a million years ago already
-*sob*). i think i used a sucky "life raft" analogy
wherein i likened him to a buoy amidst troubled
waters (ack!). but regardless of my juvenile writing,
even then, i knew he was for keeps.

I can't believe it's been seven years.... Man, it's
been one hell of a ride. Can't imagine not having
met Jello. How dull life would have been. How misguided
those college years would have been. How completely
vapid and uneventful these last seven years would have been..

Now, on his birthday, I've got a lot to be thankful to the
big guy above for. I know this is gonna sound like rip-off
lines from a Hallmark card, but what the heck, I AM grateful.
For the one-of-kind friendship. For validating the existence
of soulmates. For much needed doses of tough love. For
the soul-sharing moments. I don't think i'll be able to
enumerate the ways you have irrevocably changed (for the
better, it's safe to assume - hehe) and shaped me as a
person..

Love you mam!!!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

jello's back

and so in commemoration, here's a little round
of fireworks from PES XD



check 'em out at youtube, btw. bunch of really talented
fellas, they are XD

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Kina Grannis

No, i'm not going lesbo... although i am going crazy
over this girl. she is just amazing. i'm practically
raving right now, i can't get over it. listen to
her version of MJ's Remember the Time and be struck
dumb in awe, then watch this video and get converted.



This one's an original and aside from her unbelievable
voice, you'll bawl over the words. Believe me, I cried
buckets over this song.

Here's the lyrics:

Stay Just a Little - Kina Grannis

I heard it in your voice when your love died
On a telephone connection stretching miles and miles of wire
You said it was over and then cried and cried
You were gone before I said goodbye

I don't like to think it is true
That distance came between us like a knife and cut right through
Where did we go wrong and let it all undo?
The only one I ever loved was you.

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little, that's enough.

It kills me as I lay awake at night
Remembering the last kiss that we shared doesn't feel right
Is it impossible for me to win this fight
Keep you a little longer in my life?

Would you stay just a little, my love?
Would you sway just a little my love?
Because the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up
If you stay just a little, that's enough.